a great feeling...

Today, I got an A++ award (quarterly award given to employees for their contribution to the company) for my work on a customer escalation. It was a moment of immense joy and pleasure when I received the email from my manager. A snippet of the same is shown below:

Saurav has received A++ award for his dedicated efforts over 4-5 weeks to address performance concerns of one of our esteemed customer for our volume replicator product stack...... contribution of Saurav's customer driven efforts to try out multiple scenarios over a short timespan, which in fact made our customer realize the commitment from Symantec side....

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my colleagues cum friends @ office who gave me all types of support both morally as well as technically during those days. There were times when I were frustrated or very tired and my friends used to console me by cracking jokes, PJs and sometimes even would get me a cup of tea in my cube. I remember an occasion, when they arranged for a eat-out in one of the happening pub of the town... to get me out of my frustration and fatigue. I really feel privileged to get colleagues and friends like them.

Hats Off To All You Guys... !!!

Quarter Life Crisis

QLC was a term known to me as QLogic Fibre Channel HBA driver, till I knew about the other QLC... :-D

The Quarter Life Crisis (QLC) is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from ages 21 - 29. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis. It is now recognized by many therapists and professionals in the mental health field.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

And I know, I along with supposedly many of my friends are going through this crisis presently. Some of us might want to solve this problem by simply getting married or so, but I don't want to submit myself to this crisis. Many might think this as an excuse on my failure to get the right girl for me, but NO. Lemme see what are the other solutions to this crisis or its just to wait and watch till I cross this age. I simply don't know.

a reason to smile

Last two days were quite special for me. Firstly, I got recognized for my hard work by people very high in the hierarchy in my company. It really feels great, when the effort and work done gets paid by a token of acknowledgment. Its what is called "Professional Satisfaction". Some of the effects of a past post of mine "Hard work Kills"... got relived to some extent. Secondly, one of my best friend (that too a female) wrote a testimonial for me in Orkut. I was so happy to read it. I feel at the seventh heaven when people says good things about me. Thanks dost, u gave me a reason to smile.

Weekend in Mumbai ...

I went to Mumbai this Friday, to meet two of my old friends; friends of my sweet old engineering days. It was just a sudden plan that I made to go there. I left for Mumbai at around 6pm on Friday evening, to spend 2 days of the weekend there. I reached one of my friends' house at around 11pm... thanks to the traffic jams. He had already cooked dinner for me, so after dinner, we sat and started talking about all our best days in college and life after that. I went to meet him after around one year. He is staying with some of his colleagues, and the disordered state of his apartment made me recollect about my hostel life , and I was left with nostalgia. Next morning, the other friend who is perusing his higher studies in IIT Bombay, joined us. We roamed around in the streets of South Mumbai, went to Gateway of India, relaxed in the Marine Drive, in between watched a movie, had delicious lunch and dinner in 2 of the nicest resturents in Church Gate. Saturday night we went to IIT Hostel, and spent our night there. Sunday morning as usual, woke up late, then had breakfast in the hostel. Every bit of these made me recollect the student life. If given a chance, I want to go back to those days. Then, we went to a shopping malls, spent some time there, did some shopping and I finally left for Pune on Sunday Evening. It was a refreshing weekend after a long time. As I was coming back, I was thinking that friends we make in our hostel lives are somewhat different. They accept you the way you are. We don't have to do carry any makeup smile with them when we are sad or unhappy. Just be the way we are. Probably, during those 4 yrs, we were each others' parents, relatives, siblings, and we end up developing these traits. Although, time fades away everything, but some moments are to be cherished forever. Work and some baseless deeds cum thinking had taken away lot of my vital energy during the past few months. But, I feel relaxed now.

All these Three Years ... ( Part - IV )

My friends helped me to the extreme limit, so that I can take off with my new life in a smoother way. Take it in the case of my initial days of learning to drive the car or just to overcome the silence at home when I come back from office. I started developing some new affection, experienced a different way in which my heart beat. In between, we went to Goa, which seems to be memorable trip in my life. The most important development after December 2006, will be that I left chatting completely and instead developed a new habit of writing blogs. I started looking at myself in a more deeper way, started talking to myself. I never found anything good in myself. My blogs during this time explains everything. I learnt that I dont know how to handle things in life, take everything from heart, and injure myself. All my bad traits like working in impulse, getting irritated frequently and most importantly thinking too much in matters which need no thinking became so apparent that even my friends started observing these. My longing and thriving for someone to love me increased. I am always blessed with parental love and sibling love, but the type of love which I am craving for, I also can't explain. And thats how I am living now. Living everyday as a new day, as though tomorrow never comes. I am learning to live. Probably, in this new experiment I will never succeed, but I am finding bliss in it. Lemme see what happens.

We're all mere pawns
In the hands of fate
And when things go wrong
They will, at any rate
All we can do is, just wait
For Mr. Fate to become our mate.

All these Three Years ... ( Part - III )

I became a voracious chatter in yahoo towards January 2006, and looking at my state, my brother took broadband connection at home. So, I don't have to come to office in weekends. My friendships with four office friends increased and we started having frequent eat outs. My brother also had a car by this time, we shifted to a row house near NH-4. So, two of us used to go for long rides and all. But Filipino girls reigned supreme in my lives those days. It was so extreme in some cases that I used to leave early from office, come home and chat. Also durng this time, my professional friends became my personal friends. This life continued and continued till December 2006. In between these days, in October 2006 we moved to the new flat bought by my brother and in November 2006, he got married. Later in December 2006 , bro and sis-in-law moved to US of A and I left alone in Pune. Living together for 2 long years, and suddenly I was alone. Initially, it was not very easy to start off with a solitary life, but I managed. That was Episode Three.

All these Three Years ... ( Part - II )

In January 2005, two of my college friends joined jobs in Pune. So, the vacancy of having friends who knows me better than I do is filled up. And we started with our college days' life, this time ofcourse not in a college campus but among ourselves. My weekends' were mostly spent in my friends' flat and with all chaotic deeds. Waking up at 7AM on a Sunday morning, go to eSquare for the morning show (as it was as cheap as 40 bucks), have lunch somewhere, come back to room, sleep till evening, then go to FC Road or JM Road, do bird watching, sit in some "tapri" with chai and sutta (I dont smoke), have dinner in mostly road side Chinese resturent and finally come home. Next morning is a Monday morning and I had to catch the office bus as early as 8AM. This continued till September 2005. In between these period, I switch my job from TCS to Veritas on 9th May, 2005. I didn't have much time for my brother, but my brother was not lonely as well, he had his love who also used to work in Pune itself. Sometime in September, 2005 my friends left Pune for greener pastures. So, there was no more chaotic weekends after that. I used to be at home watching TV, sleeping. I also didn't go out with my brother frequently. We didn't have broadband those days, so I started coming to office on weekends, just to serf the net and chat. I developed friendships with some girls of Philippines and my weekends started passing off with just yahoo messenger. Towards December, 2005 my acquaintances with my colleagues in Veritas increased and 5 of us became more than just colleagues. That was Episode Two.

All these Three Years ... ( Part - I )

I started my career on 1st July, 2004 by joining TATA Consultancy Services (TCS). Initial 50 days of training was done in TCS, Trivandrum and then I joined TATA Research Development and Design Center in Pune. I landed up in this city on 20th August, 2004. I rented a 1BHK flat just near to my office. I had nothing with me except for my clothes, one mattress, one pillow, 3 books, one table (given by the landlord), one bucket, one mug, and one big bucket again given by the landlord to store water, as the water used to come on fixed timing that too just twice in 24 hrs. I had just one companion in my flat and that was my Nokia 2300, I bought with my 1st salary. Radio Mirchi was my only source of entertainment when I was in my flat. So, there was no personal life as such. I arranged my dinner with one aunty in just 15 bucks per meal. I used to walk to my office, stay till 9-10 PM at night although I didn't have any work at office and used to go to office 7 days a week. Some times in the weekend, I along with one of my colleague used to go to MG Road, pass some time, have dinner there and come back. This life continued till mid-October 2004. My brother returned from France and joined Veritas Software in Pune. We changed our flat to a posh area, I started a new life in the cradle of my brother. Now we have furnitures in our house, we have a TV with cable connection, we cook our own dinner. So, life became more organized and structured. I got my college days' PC from home and so there was no dearth of relaxation any more. I continued working in TCS, but I never go to office on weekends. This was Episode One.

All these Three Years ...

On 1st July, 2007 I completed 3 long years of my professional career. Now, sitting alone in my cozy bedroom, I am just recollecting my life in all these three years. One thing is common to all these years, and that's Pune. Variety is the spice of life, but probably I didn't bother to add spices to my life by making too much changes to my life. Take it as my apathy or my utter laziness. My friends, as I can see from a bird's eye view, added a lot of spices to their lives by going abroad, changing many jobs, increasing the figures in their payslips, experimenting newer things in life, relationships etc etc ... and the list goes on. But, me ??? I am there where I was 3 years ago. No wonder, my friends and my juniors tell me ... "Haloi, you haven't changed yaar, Neither your look nor your behaviors, infact nothing. You are the same old Haloi, we had for 4 long years in campus". And I say, "Yes, you guys are right".
I still carry the same traits with me, being too much emotional, too much sentimental, a bit psycho, too much frustrated and desperate about girls, short tempered, negativity and pessimism in everything, very sincere to my work, faithful to people like a dog and ... yeah that's all.
Well, but I just want to recollect what I did in these three years, and don't want to pass any justification or explanation to my deeds. So, lemme start...

one favorite classic...

kaun sunega kisko sunaaye isiliye chup rehete hai - 2
humase apane ruth na jaaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai

meri surat dekhanewalon main bhi ek aaina thaa - 2
toota jab ye shisha ye dil saawan kaa mahina thaa
tookade dil ke kisako dikhaaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai
humase apane ruth na jaaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai

aaj kushi ki isa mehfil mein apana ji bhar aaya hai - 2
gam ki koi baat nahi hai hame khushi ne rulaya hai
ankhase ansu beh na jaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai
humase apane ruth na jaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai

pyar ke phool chune the hamane khushi ke sej sajane ko - 2
patzad banakar aayi bahare ghar mein aag lagane ko
aag mein gum ki gal na jaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai
kaun sunega kisko sunaaye - 2 isiliye chup rehete hai - 3

A song for my current life ...

I tried so hard, And got so far
But in the end, It doesn't even matter
I had to fall, To lose it all
But in the end, It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard...
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

two new feelings...

it was just the Monday night, when I along with my friend were returning home at around 12:30 midnight after watching Die Hard 4.0, and my friend's car broke down. There was a heavy downpour that night, and there were water logging in many places. In one such places we had to cross above-knee stagnant water. So water might have entered the engine or whatever, the car broke down for around 2 hrs. It was a blessing in disguise that we could manage to have a bright street lamp and there was no rain in that period. Finally, my friend managed to start the engine at around 2:30AM and we reached our destination. And, yesterday it was my turn. I had a tyre puncture when I was returning home from office. It was for the first time, a puncture happened to my car. But, I am luckier enough to be blessed with a few very good friends who will come to my help anytime and anywhere inspite of me not being good to anyone. So, I recovered the trauma. Whatever, two new experiences in two days... Nice Going Dude !!!

A Symbol of Love or Ego ???

These days, whenever I switch on my FM tuner or check out TV channels, I see a mass propaganda to vote for TAJMAHAL to make it into the list of 7 wonders of the world. I keep getting forwarded mails from my peers about the same thing. I see celebrity figures telling that if 1+ billion Indians can't make Tajmahal into the 7 wonders of the world by voting for it, it will be a disgrace for all of us. All these hue and cry make me question What The F**K ??? If its a matter of just voting and making it into the 7 wonders, then Tajmahal will be in the 2nd slot, next to The Great Wall of China, as India has the 2nd highest populations in the world. When it comes to my view point, Tajmahal should be into the 7 wonders list w.r.t the architectural design, its flawless beauty needs no second thought. But, If I have to vote for it as a symbol of love, my answer will be BIG NO. Let me ask a frank question to everyone who calls it a symbol of love. When the hands of the workers who worked so hard to built Tajmahal is chopped off, where the hell people find love in it ? Its just the memorial for a departed soul. No love involved. Just a show off for Ego, Money & Power.