Thursday, May 10, 2007

Funeral of the heart...

well, for some days I was thinking to write about my crushes (crashes) in life. In the last 24 yrs. of my life I have total 2 such cases where my heart actually beated for the member of my opposite species and there are 3-4 cases of just crush or infatuation. I 1st felt the beauty of liking someone or longing for someone, when I was in 9th standard. Oh God, it was such a heavenly feeling... I still remember about all those day dreamings and what not. She was in my mind for 4 complete years till I left that place for persuing higher studies. But I never conveyed my feelings to her, as I had the fear of rejection and I was not strong enough to bear the throes of rejection. May be I was too young those days and also I was worried about my studies. I thought falling in love will spoil my studies. I was such a studious guy or simply a nerd. But gradually I lost the feelings for her, but my fondness for her still remains. When I was in 4th semeter of my studies, I fell for a girl who was one year younger to me academically. I feel it was the love at first sight. She was pretty, intelligent and I felt as though she was the girl I was looking for. But probably she never liked me from the beginning. I somehow started talking to her, and atleast managed to be her acquaintance if not a friend. I didnot see much attention or liking for me in her eyes, so I decided to give up even without telling her my feelings. Friends advised me not to do so, and after about 6-7 months I told her. I was ready to receive such a reply, but somehow her reply was very harsh.. "Be a friend or be Nothing"... So after that, for the last 5 years I have tried hard not to fall for anyone ... "Falling Itself is a negative emotion. Don't Fall in love; Rise in love"... but I believe rising in love is always a two sided affair. So I convinced myself that its better to be single and happy rather than bear the burnt of rejection.
But I feel, how good it would have been if there was someone who is crazy for me, who love me, who hold my hand, who caresses my head in her lap ....

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1 comment:

shilpahak said...

hey ,just because one girl decides you can't be soulmates dosen't have to mean you will shun everyone else... Never be afraid of expressing your feelings.That way at least you will be truthful to yourself.As it is ,your girl is never gonna come and express it herself(most girls have that guy-must-propose attitude) ,so best of luck for next time.:)you will surely find some nice gal who likes you equally